Making and Keeping Friends

After several years of taking care of kids and a husband, and working a full time job, I had decided I needed a friend outside the workplace. I hadn't had one since I was a teenager. So I thought it be great to become friends with one of my children's friend's mom who had a tart sense of humor I enjoyed. Our children were friends, her husband appeared to be rather laid back enough to get along with my husband and we were around the same age and same work ethic, etc., etc., etc.

So one day I was over at her house, sitting on her couch, talking to her and our children, cutting up, having a good time. I'm not sure exactly how it came up, but we started talking about girl friends. She began to tell me she didn't like to be friends with women because all they were after were the husbands. Then she proceeded to tell me her best friend was a man at work.

Hon, I can tell you, I was hurt. First, unless the man was gay, having a male best friend at work or anywhere else is rarely done. No matter what they try to make you believe on television. Men are not normally wired to be just "friends" with women. Women can be that way with men, but men in the end will expect more...such as friends with benefits if you know what I mean. So as you can imagine, I guessed she was having an affair. My teenage daughter had said she wasn't, but it wasn't too long after that the woman left her husband. Though my daughter never did say, I still feel I was right.

Second, her statement about all women were after each other husbands was so laughable, I was speechless. My husband compared to hers was like comparing Brad Pitt to Woody Allen. Mine was Brad. Hmm, maybe she was doing me a favor by not being my friend. Maybe she was eyeing my hubby. Funny, I never thought of that until now. Sure my husband was way better looking than hers, but...nah. The woman was nuts.

Well, you would've thought I would give up on having a friend outside of work. I tried again, but it was disastrous too. In fact, I tried several more times with little luck. I'll save those for another blog. Maybe.

Of course, you probably wonder why I keep saying a friend outside of work. At work it's rather easy to make friends, (hey, you're there more than at home) but I've never had a good track record of keeping the friend and rarely get to socialize with them outside of work. For some reason, I make friends with people without kids or husbands. Don't know why, just one of those things.

Anyway, I'm working on my friendship skills. I've learn a few things through trial and error. Number one is even if you believe you and your friend were actually sisters separated at birth, don't tell her every thought that comes to your head. She will think you're crazy. Number two, don't tell her every secret you've always wanted to tell someone. She may feel compelled to tell someone else, especially if she thinks you're crazy. Or she will bring it up as a reminder of something stupid you did. Third, don't over compliment. She'll begin to believe you're lying. I never understood that but I heard people say "So and so is too sweet or overly nice, She's so fake." Fourth is the total opposite of the one before. Don't be negative about other acquaintances or absent friends or the friend you're talking to will believe you say the same things about her. And fifth and most important, if others criticize your friend, take up for your friend in a gentle, firm way and then keep your mouth shut. Don't tell your friend what was said. It will serve no purpose and she will only think you were gossiping about her in the first place.

I now have friends outside of work. Though I still miss having the type where my husband and I could be friends with another couple. But considering I've had two aunts to have their best friends to cheat with their husbands, maybe that woman from years ago understood this adult friend thing better than me.

So I guess my friends at work and my writer friends will be enough.